Chapter One

Children Are Our Future

When our children become adults, they will be the leaders of the world. What kind of future will we have? Will we have the same kind of mess we do now, or will things be better? Our future depends on how we are raising our children.

Children are being raised in various situations. During a child's life, he or she may live in one or more of the following environments: (1) with one or both parents, (2) another relative, (3) foster homes, (4) adopted homes, (5) orphanages, (6) mission for the homeless, or (7) on the streets. Depending on their home environment, children are either being trained, neglected, over-indulged, or abused. The reason I wrote this book was to help parents learn how to raise their children so that we can have a better future.

The following four stories are examples of how children are being raised.

Example 1--Disciplined out of love

Susie and Timmy were playing in their rooms. They had all of their toys scattered all over the floor. Suddenly, they were startled when their mother entered their room. “Get this mess picked up right now,” she yelled.

When she left the room, Susie and Timmy, with tears rolling down their cheeks, sat and stared at each other. “Why does Mommy always yell at us?” Timmy asked.

“I don’t know,” Susie replied.

“Doesn’t she love us?”

“I think so, but I don’t know why she is always yelling at us.”

"Let's get busy and clean up our room."

Within a few minutes, Timmy and Susie started picking up their toys. Shortly, their mother walked into their room. “This room is still a mess. Can’t you two do anything you’re told? Get this cleaned up," she ordered, as she stormed out of the room.

“We are cleaning up our room,” Timmy told his sister.

“I know."

In a few minutes, their mother opened the door and yelled, as she spanked them. “You two are so stubborn and lazy. I’m not going to put up with this any longer. Maybe that spanking will teach you a lesson. Put your stuff away right now and then get ready for supper.”

Susie and Timmy burst out crying as she shut their door.

This example shows what can happen when parents become angry. Disciplining children when parents are angry is not good for them or their children because parents could lose control and beat them. Children were not born to be beaten. They were born to be loved, accepted, and trained--not abused. If parents have a tendency to abuse their children, it may be because they were abused as a child. In a later chapter, I will go into more detail about abuse, because abuse covers a lot more areas besides disciplining in anger.

Example 2--Neglect

Lori and Cindy were playing in their rooms. They had been playing there all day without eating any lunch. Shortly, they heard their father enter the front door. “Daddy, we’re hungry. We haven’t had anything lunch,” Cindy commented.

“Why not”?

“Mommy was either talking on the phone or had someone over and didn’t fix us any lunch.”

“I’ll fix you something,” he replied.

Lori and Cindy picked up their toys and put them away. “Lori, at least Daddy pays attention to us. I wish Mommy would spend some time with us.”

“I do, too.”

The second story illustrates what happens when parents don’t spend quality time with their children. If people decide to have children, then they need to take care of them. Children should not be born just to be neglected. They need love and care. If parents neglect their children it makes me wonder why they had them in the first place.

Example 3--Over-indulgence

Timmy and Susie were watching television when their mother entered the room. “Mommy, we saw some toys on television that we want. Can we go to the store and get them?” Susie asked.

“Sure. You can have whatever you want. I enjoy pleasing you.”

Shortly, they climbed into the car and were soon on their way to the store. Susie and Timmy got to have three new toys at the store. After that, they went out to eat. Susie and Timmy were happy because their mother bought them everything they wanted.

This is another example of not training your children in the right way. Children need to grow up knowing that they cannot have everything they want. Life does not work that way. Your children will be spoiled and not ever know the meaning of the word “No”.

Example 4--Training

Christy and Megan were playing in their rooms. They sat in the middle of their room surrounded by their toys. Suddenly, they were startled when their mother entered their room. “Hi, kids. I see you are having fun.”

“Yes,” they replied.

“Mommy, what are those boxes for?”

“I’ve been thinking about helping you organize your toys shelves.“

”Okay,” they replied.

“We will sort out your toys and put them in these boxes. That way you will know where your toys are. When you finish playing with one box, you can put it away and get out another box.”

“By using those boxes, we won’t have such a big mess to clean up,” Christy commented.

“That’s right,” her mother replied.

“I’ll go for that idea,” Megan agreed.

Their mother helped Christy and Megan clean up their room. After that, Christy and Megan were happy with their new toy boxes and the way things looked. They were also happy that their mother took an interest in them and helped them to make their room look nicer.

Which of these four examples sound familiar to your home situation? If it’s one of the first three stories, then you need to pay close attention to the advice in this book. If it’s the fourth story, I hope you will still enjoy reading the rest of the book and that you will learn even more about raising your children appropriately.

Why were children created?

Children were created for parents to love, to accept, and to discipline in the right way. They were not born to be neglected, abused, or over-indulged. If parents spent more time training their children, they would not have to beat them. Children, like adults, want someone to love them and accept them. Parents need to treat their children like they would want to be treated. Children are exciting, loving, curious little people. People never know what to expect from them. They always say what is on their hearts.

My Experience

Even though I have never been married or had any children, I have had a lot of experience and training with children. I was a day care provider for eleven and a half years, a Nanny for four years, a church nursery director for four years, and I worked in day care centers as a preschool teacher and infant teacher. Also, I graduated from Kansas University with a BGS degree in Human Development and Family Life.

As a result of my child care experience, I have become aware of how so many parents and providers have given children inappropriate care. I am shocked at what I have seen or heard. I wonder why people had their children or why day care providers even care for children if they are going to neglect or abuse them. The following lists are ways that I have seen or heard parents or providers take care of children. I will go into more detail in later chapters.

A. Infants: Newborns to Eighteen Months

Safety

l.  Leaving small infants on furniture. Infants can fall off and injure themselves.

2. Leaving small infants alone in a room to play or leaving them with older children and closing the door. Infants, who are not watched can get hurt by older children, or they can choke on something.

3. Leaving small items on the floor so that infants can pick them up and put them in their mouth. Whenever infants will be playing on the floor, the area should be free from everything that they can pick up and choke on or swallow.

4. Leaving cupboard doors, that are within an infant's reach unlocked. Children could open doors that are below the counter tops and get into things they were not supposed to such as cleaners.

5. Leaving infants unattended outside. They could crawl or walk away without you realizing it if you were not around. They could also get kidnapped.

6. Leaving young children alone in the car. They could be kidnapped, hurt, or move a gear shift and cause damage to the car or hurt themselves.

7. Leaving young children in a room with someone you don't know or just met. This is not safe because parents do not know what will happen.

Neglect

1. Not changing diapers throughout the day. This can cause a diaper rash.

2. Not potty training in the right way. Children, who are not potty trained in the right way, will be confused and not understand what they should do.

3. Not interacting with the children. Children will not feel loved by the person who is caring for them.

Nutrition

1. Not taking bottles away when infants are one year old. This will harm their teeth, and it can cause nutritional problems.

2. Not feeding infants the right kind of food that is appropriate for their age level. Infants need to have the proper food so they will grow up healthy.

3. Giving babies sugar products. Sugar is not the right product to give infants, because they do not need it. They need healthier food.

4. Starting infants too young on food. Infants need to have their formula, so their stomachs will develop properly.

B. Preschoolers: Infants to Five Years

Safety

1. Shutting them up in a room or basement to play alone. Parents need to supervise young children instead of leaving them alone. Parents will not know what kind of things preschoolers are getting in to if they are not watched.

2. Leaving them outside unattended. Children can very easily run off and parents will not know where they are, or someone can take them.

3. Letting them run off in stores by themselves. Someone can easily pick up children and kidnap them.

4. Leaving medications, personal items, knives, etc. out or not up high enough. Children, especially preschoolers, like to climb or get into things because they are curious.

5. Letting children use pre-academic materials without supervision. Children need to be supervised when they are using crayons, paints, pencils, scissors, etc.

Neglect

1. Trying to potty train while preschoolers are still drinking out of their bottles or not potty training in the appropriate way. Preschoolers should be off of their bottles when they are one year old. If parents try to potty train them while they are drinking their bottles, they will be getting to much fluid, so that potty training becomes very difficult.

2. Not interacting with them or teaching them things that will prepare them for school. Preschoolers need to feel loved and taught things so they will develop physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

3. Not spending quality time with children. Children need to have their parents undivided attention at times, and they also need to know that their parents still love them when they are asked to play by themselves.

4. Letting them run off in stores by themselves. This can be under the category of safety or neglect. (See above comments)

5. Not teaching children responsibility and learning how to do things. Children need to learn how to do things at an early age, so they could develop physically, mentally, emotional, socially, and spiritually.

Discipline

1. Saying one thing and doing the opposite. When parents say one thing and do the opposite, children will never know what their parents mean. For example, if a parent tells their children they cannot watch television and then change their minds, children won’t know what to believe.

2. Giving in to their crying or temper tantrums. When parents give in to their children, they are giving them power. They need to know their parents are in charge.

3. Not disciplining or not disciplining out of love. Children need to be disciplined, but not abused.

4. Abusing children. Disciplining out of anger is wrong. Children need to be trained and not beat up.

5. Not agreeing with your spouse on discipline beliefs. Children will favor one parent over the other one.

6. Parents disagreeing about discipline in front of the children. Children will favor the parent who lets them do what they want.

7. Not teaching children good manners. Children need to learn what is appropriate and what is not appropriate.

8. Giving preschoolers what they want when parents have already told them they could not have it. Children will learn that they have power over their parents.

Over-Indulged

1. Letting children play all day. Children need to be taught pre-academics.

2. Letting children watch television all day. Children need to do other things.

3. Letting children do whatever they want. Children need to have guidance and structure throughout the day, so they will be prepared to go to school.

4. Letting children get whatever they want. Children need to learn the word “No”.

C. School Aged Children

Safety

1. Letting younger school age children walk to school by themselves. This could be dangerous, because parents never know who will try and take their children.

2. Leaving children home alone even if it’s for a short time. Children are not old enough to be left at home by themselves. What if an emergency came up and they didn't know what to do, or what if a stranger came to the door?

3. Leaving items out that can cause harm such as: knives, medication, or household cleaners. Children are curious and will try and explore with things that can be harmful.

Discipline

l. Giving them everything they want. Children will grow up expecting to get everything thing they want in life.

2. Giving in to their crying or temper tantrums. Children will know that if they cry or throw a fit, they will eventually win.

3. Parents disagreeing on discipline beliefs. Parents need to agree on discipline so that their children will grow up knowing right from wrong.

4. Parents disagreeing about discipline in front of the children. Parents need to discuss discipline methods without their children around.

5. Following a life style yourself that is inappropriate behavior and a life style that does not follow what you desire for your children. If parents show inappropriate behavior in front of their children, they will follow the example they have observed.

6. Not helping children to accept responsibility for their mistakes. Children need to accept their mistakes and not put the blame on anyone else.

7. Not encouraging children to learn responsibility at home. Teach children to learn to do things at home so they will handle responsibility when they are older. Preschoolers, especially, want to learn how to do things. I have seen this in my day care.

Neglect

1. Sending children to their rooms to do their homework or to play by themselves all day long without any other social contact. Children need to have a social outlet with their parents and their peers.

2. Not listening to their feelings of anger, frustration, hurt, etc. When children are hurting, they need to have you be open to their feelings and help them work through their situations.

3. Not discussing dating, sex or marriage before it is too late. Parents need to teach their children before they end up being parents at an early age.

4. Getting them involved in too many extracurricular activities so they cannot do things well. Children should be involved in the activities they enjoy.

5. Not letting them decide things they want to do. Always making choices for them instead of discussing things with them and coming to an agreement--Extracurricular activities or music lessons. Parents need to help them decide what they want to do. However, sometimes parents have to force children to do something because some children would rather sit around all day and watch television.

6. Starting and stopping things before they have really learned something well. Help them to stay with things they start even though things may get difficult. Check out all of the possibilities before enrolling in something.

7. Not teaching children good manners. Children need to learn appropriate manners so they will act appropriately in public.

Children are important and will be our future generation, so parents need to raise their children in the best way possible.

When children enrolled in my day care, I looked at them as my own children, and they called my parents, Grandma and Grandpa. I took care of infants through school age. Also, I have had new parents ask me for help in raising their children.

In the rest of the book, I will be discussing child care and my beliefs on how children should be raised, so that we will have a better future. What readers do with the material presented in this book is up to them, but remember: Children Are Our Future.

Janet Kay Blaylock